Whether you’re fully immersed in the world of BDSM, a sucker for Fifty Shades or just curious as to WTF goes on behind closed dungeon doors, we asked professional dominatrix Mistress Evilyne, to tell us everything. The dom/sub relationship is fascinating, from ball-busting and bondage, to hard-sports and public humiliation, Mistress Evilyne does it all. Get ready to delve into the world of dark desires and discover exactly what goes down…
Did you have to do any specific training before you started professionally?
I did not have any formal training to be a Mistress. I think that a huge part of this job uses skills that you might have learnt in other areas of your life. Skills such as marketing, customer service, professional level cleaning, health and safety, etc. The physical skills of being a Mistress, things such as whipping, Shibari (Japanese rope bondage), etc can all be learnt in workshops and peer to peer groups of which there are a multitude in pretty much every major city.
The part that is really essential in this job, and that nobody can teach you, is having common sense. You need to have your wits about you at all times. Clients come to me to give themselves up. That means that when they are in my hands, I am responsible for their safety and well being. That responsibility takes the form of being hyper vigilant (duty of care) at all times, being aware of their own state of mind, not taking part in any practices that might harm them etc.
As much as it might have been very helpful at the beginning to have a mentor, I am glad that I didn’t. Having someone to answer all of my questions might have made me become reliant on them rather than seeking out my own style and learning from experience. I did however, get given a lot of advice by other Dominatrices whom I met on the scene. There is a wonderful kinky community in London, within which are many amazing people who are happy to help teach others skills, and share their knowledge.
Why did you want to become a dominatrix?
I have always been fascinated by human sexuality. At a very young age, I discovered my parents’ “Illustrated Encyclopedia of Sex”, a wonderful relic of the sexual revolution of the seventies that had found its way into a hidden corner of my parents’ library. I pored over its every page, and by the age of 10, I had read it through several times over and it was quite dog eared. As I grew older and lost my virginity, my fascination with sex only grew. I decided that I wanted to go to university to be a sexologist. Unfortunately, science was not my forte, so I had to scrap those plans. I somehow ended up doing Arabic and Islamic studies instead. During my university years, I toyed with the idea of becoming an escort, but this never materialised. Over the years that followed, I researched everything that I could find about weird and wonderful sexual practices on the internet.
I myself had a quite straightforward sex life, really. But I was fascinated by the weird and wonderful ways in which other people express their sexuality. Looking back, I was fairly aggressive and domineering in bed, maybe a bit shouty and bossy… and when I ended up working in kitchens, I definitely noticed that a lot of the men I worked with found me somewhat intimidating. But I had never considered kink for myself. I think one of my problems was that I was brought up in France, which has a very patriarchal society. As a result, whenever I thought of BDSM, I assumed that it was all about men being in charge and women getting spanked. I 100% knew that was not me. In fact, many a time, when sexual partners had tried the odd slap on the arse, hair pulling or anything else of the sort, they had tended to either get bitten very hard, or threatened with castration. There was no way anyone was EVER going to be allowed to put me over their knee.
Anyway, fast forward a few years, and I have just quit my last kitchen job. I am 29, working part time in a little chocolate shop, barely making enough to pay the bills, and still researching the weird and wonderful delights of alternative sexuality. I somehow stumbled across the website of a professional Mistress, and ended up reading the whole thing, including her blog. It was one of those moments like in the films. Everything sharpened in my mind. I was living a flashback of my life, showing me all the events that had been leading me up to this very moment. I simply knew then and there that I was born to be a Mistress.
What happened with your first client?
My first client was celebrating his 18th birthday by booking a dominatrix to “deflower” him with a strap on. Donning a strap on had always been one of my biggest fantasies, so I was very excited. I went into a sex shop in Soho and asked them to help me choose a belt and dildo that would be right for taking someone’s anal virginity. I walked out of there with a belt that was made of cheap plastic and felt very unsecure, and a tiny translucent pink dildo. It turned out that I was visiting my first client in his room in student halls. Not quite what I had expected! When I got into his room, it was the typical messy boy’s room, in which were two single beds. He explained that his room mate was out for the night. We chatted for a while, me feeling quite awkward and unsure of how to do things, and him having no idea that he was my first ever client. Eventually, we got started. I lay him on his tummy and mounted him from behind. The dildo was too short to have any real effect, sadly. But he seems top half enjoy it. Or maybe I just tried to kid myself that he was. To be honest, the whole experience was laughably catastrophic. Once we were done, there was an awkward silence before I took my leave.
I never heard from him again. And no wonder! Looking back, it was dreadful! Pegging is definitely something that you need to gain experience with.
Do you ever have sex or is it all about punishment/fantasy experience?
I never have sex with my clients. The thing about female domination is that it is all about power dynamics. Of course, deep down, most of your clients will fantasise about having sex with you. They’re men. But it’s the fact that they can’t that keeps them coming back. I do quite sexual things, mind you. I have so many different types of sex machines and male masturbators… And I use all of them. If I am feeling particularly horny one day, I might tie my client up, sit on their face, and force them to make me cum, threatening punishment if they fail. And that’s the beauty of it. I hold the power.
Nobody who ever comes to see me would be allowed to ask for such a service from me, and woe betide them if they do! But if I am in the mood, and I find the client attractive, why not take advantage of him to satisfy my own sexual desires? Turn him into my own little sexual toy. I also very much enjoy masturbating in front of clients when they are in uncomfortable bondage, unable to move, suffering more with every second that they are tied up. I enjoy doing it slowly, taking my time, seeing how much pain they are in, but also how delighted they are that I would choose to allow them to see me doing something so personal and intimate. It’s a lot of fun, and I definitely get my kicks from this.
Of course, then there is all the other stuff, which is just pure kink, such as whipping, spanking etc. Some people have their very specific tastes and will even get offended at the merest mention of anything sexual. It really takes all sorts.
What are your clients like and why do you think they come to see you?
My clients come from all walks of life, but one thing that they all have in common is that they are gentlemen. Nearly all of them bring me a little gift when they visit, send me flowers when I am unwell, or to thank me for a nice experience… They respect my craft, and appreciate that I put a lot of effort into what I do, into creating an experience. I think that what attracts people to me specifically is my openness. I try to portray myself through my blog and social media as authentically as possible. I voice my views on things, and try not to be completely kink centric either. I present myself as a whole person rather than a one dimensional fantasy. There are of course those that will not be attracted by this. But those who do come and see me do tend to tell me that what they appreciate the most about me is that I am grounded, intelligent and outspoken.
Has Fifty Shades had an impact on business?
I started being a Mistress long after the fifty shades books had come out. Many of my friends had tried to get me to read them. After the experience of having trusted people before and having been put through the torture of reading two Dan Brown books (I know I should have stopped at one, but I was assured that “Angels and Demons is soooo much better written!” yeah, right), I promised myself never ever again to read a train station best seller. Then the first film came out, and the media went crazy! The only impact that the Fifty Shades movies have had on my own life was when a very well known adult production company hired my house to shoot the pornographic version of the film, cheekily entitled “The Real Fifty Shades”. So if you do watch that film, that beautiful dungeon they play in? Yup, that was my dungeon.
What do people ask for?
Funnily enough, people tend to be quite bad at asking for what they want. You wouldn’t think that could be a problem, but it genuinely is! I get a lot of pretty crazy requests to which I have to respond by asking them to tone it down because logistically, what they are asking for is impossible. For example, I have had people asking me to be immobilised for 48 hours, and not fed or hydrated. When I get these types of requests, I generally tell them that maybe we should start off with 2-3 hours and see how that goes before diving into the deep end. They generally end up lasting an hour and a half. It’s pretty painful not being able to move a muscle.
My most common demands, though are for pegging and for bondage with edging. For those who don’t know, edging is when you titillate a man’s precious bits but stop short of him having an orgasm. You can keep this going for ages, stopping again and again, never letting them climax. It’s great fun!
Has anyone ever shocked you with what they wanted?
I tend not to be easily shocked. I am pretty open minded. try not to judge other people for being into things that I am not. I have had a few pretty crazy requests in my day though. One of My most memorable experiences involved stuffing a man’s bottom with pickled eggs and then watching him “lay” them!
Do you ever enjoy being dominated?
As I mentioned when answering your first question, there is no way I would ever let anybody dominate me. Actually, that’s a touch of a lie. There is one single thing that I really love, and that’s forced orgasms. But I really have to trust the person before allowing them to take that sort of control, and I could never be tied down for it, and I’ll boss them around the whole way through…. so basically, I would make the worlds worst submissive!
What’s your favourite bondage equipment and why?
It’s so hard to pick a favourite! I am going to have to split this answer into two. My favourite pieces of bondage equipment are my chastity cages and my whip.
About the chastity cages: I love love love playing with male chastity. You know how men adore using the term blue balls? Well imagine teasing your boyfriend into getting his dick locked up in a cage that won’t allow him so much as an erection, and then closing the padlock around it and putting the key around your neck. It’s quite easy to tease a man into this, actually. Promise them that it will be super sexy, that you’ll tease them every day, send them loads of hot photos and videos of yourself… and you end up doing just that. Your boyfriend will end up so sexually frustrated, it’s brilliant! So for a few days, you can make it all about you. Tease him with that key nestled between your breasts. Make him take you out, pleasure you in bed… Give him goals to achieve in order to be allowed out of the cage. I promise you it’s the most kinky fun you could ever have! It’s also a great way to train an unruly partner (it’s all about tease and denial).
What advice would you give to bondage beginners?
It can be very scary and overwhelming getting into kink. There’s so much out there, and if you try to do it with an established partner, it can all feel a bit forced and ridiculous. So my advice to bondage beginners would be to get out there and get involved. Join fetlife.com, find out about kink events local to you, dress up and go to them! You’ll be able to meet lots of new people who will have plenty of experience, and be able to guide you and give you good advice. You will also be able to see people playing in public, which might inspire you, so that you have ideas for what you would like to do at home.
Give us your top kinky bondage/BDSM tips:
- Never feel pressured to do something you don’t want to do. BDSM is all about respecting each other’s limits.
- If what you want to try is a bit risky (like play piercing or strangulation, for example), please do as much research as you can beforehand on the correct safety measures and proper way of doing it. It’s never worth risking your life just for some kicks.
- Remember, kink should always be fun! If it’s not fun, then it’s abuse.
- This is one of my all time favourite kinks: Put your boyfriend/husband in chastity – so hot.